I would like to share a story about how Ruth died. She was a healthy older woman that was going into the hospital for an elective knee surgery. All seemed in order....until, she went into the operating room and he began to cut. Long surgery and story short, the surgeon severed a large artery in her leg but didn't catch it (not sure how you miss a spurting fountain like that) three days went by and dispite Ruth expressing pain and strange "feelings" in her body, as well as her family (me being such) asking for her to be checked again, the requests went unanswered for three days. At that point, they found the artery situation, tried to do emergency surgery to rectify it, to no avail. They came back and said that blood flow was not present and that they would have to amputate her leg immediately. Before they could prep her to do so, she developed multiple blood clots in her heart, lungs, etc. making the amputation a mute point. She proceeded to suffer for another few days with a dead leg and her lungs slowly filling with fluid, drowning from the inside out. Surrounded by her family (me being such again) held her as she let go and passed away. I went to Iowa to love and hug my Niece and Nephew for a day and a half, then came back and had a reviewal and funeral for my step-grammie. Surreal several days. And feeling alone in the world. I have questions, questions, and more questions about life. The one thing I came to in thinking about what had happened, and the fact that the family and friends talked endlessly about the tragedy that had happened, the unneccessary death of Ruth......
All this information was shared to make a point. I just shared the death of Ruth, and not a second of it matters.
Now I would like to share the story of her life..........
How about you? What would you like people to talk about when you leave this place? What would you have wanted to experience? Well, GO GET IT! You too Andrea, just cuz your the writer of this doesn't mean you are exempt. Close your eyes and jump!
It has been four weeks since I posted here. This is my "process"....I need to gather up some living. Life experiences, then purge them all on page. So I am out busy for now, then watch out, your peepers will be worn out and your brain will get sore with the amount of life goo I throw at cha. Until then......................
I went to RenFest and saw an awesome Belly Dancer / Hoop Dancer....I waited til after the show and went up to her and asked how the hell she learned such a fluid dance form....turns out, she teaches a class on this fire ring belly dance style. I am going to take a leap of courage and share my moves with other women....yikes! I want to learn to make my body movements such, that when I am on stage, I become a living-moving art exibit. I like the scantally clad part though, I have an excuse to rip off the clothes. Plus, belly dancers are of all body styles, and I have a "style" all my own!
I feel the art bubbling within. Whether it be dance, paint, song, writing, photo & audio journaling, etc. I am ready for the next phase of creativity to flow. Deep breath....and.........go!
Ya ever feel like you are still in a dream.....floating around with your deeper self? A whisp of smoke gently caressing the surface of a body of water. Am I the water or the fog? Both? An intense blue glow washes everything. Surreal. I am left with the undeniable feeling that I left something behind in my slumber. A crane flies over head and I am sure I should follow...something grabs my ankle and pulls me down into the depths. As I look to the surface, I see the bird circling, circling, circling....and then it smiled and winked. As it flew out of my sight, I freed myself and drew a huge breath as I came to the surface. I added about a foot of water to that lake with the tears that fell, as I realized the distance of the crane was growing farther with each tread of my arms.
Damn, wheaties don't seem as exciting after that- fuck it, that was my breakfast.
Just thinking about sitting in the middle of my backyard looking up into the sky watching the strobe light show going on. There was electricity in the air, literally, figuratively....I could feel it swirling around me. I was a little afraid at first, thinking I may get a "ZOT!" But then I became calm with a side dish of giddy (if that makes sense).
As it began to rain, I stayed. Because....why not? It washed me, danced with me, played with me, and plain drenched me!
I came inside smiling and laughing to myself....so It was a fun play date with nature to say the least.
Dress me up-
Dress me down-
PLEASE AUNTIE LYNDA......like a clown.
Make me Laugh-
make me smile-
PLEASE AUNTIE LYNDA......stay with me a while.
Can we paint?
Can we glue?
PLEASE AUNTIE LYNDA......Can I stay with you?
Can we dance-
Tap & toe
PLEASE AUNTIE LYNDA......I don't want to grow.
I'm an adult-
The air is so stale-
PLEASE AUNTIE LYNDA......Don't be so frail.
It is so quiet-
are you frightened?
PLEASE AUNTIE LYNDA......or are you enlightened?
So much equipment-
are you afraid?
PLEASE AUNTIE LYNDA......has your soul laid?
Now you are gone,
and my heart is alone-
PLEASE AUNTIE LYNDA......are you finally home?
I miss you so much-
But I'll see ya someday, And when that time comes-
I know what I'll say........
PLEASE AUNTIE LYNDA........
I love you.
At the very least, CONSIDER donating blood. I have been doing it on a regular basis since high school. Don't ask how many years it has been! Just a quick brain insert to those reading this..........just think about it. Thinking turns to doing.....and then lots o peeps will been smiling cuz they are happy to be alive and sharing the life experience.
I shall step down from the "lever 2000" box now. Tah-daah.
This bridge thing has got my heart in a vice grip. I will just say that my thughts and love go out to all the people that are facing challenge right now. I'm sure we have all thought about the fact that we, or someone we love has traveled that bridge many times over. Paul was on it two hours prior to fall. Whew! However, it makes me think that it isn't really about THAT particular bride/tragedy....it's about the fact that we are all here together, sharing this life experience, and that anything could happen at any time (Eeek!) It's the fucken truth. So I figure that I will pony up my feelings and let the people in my life know how precious they are to me. And if you are reading this, known or stranger....you are precious....and I do love you. Why is it when we really care for someone, we say "I would die for you"? I think it is equally, if not more, important to say "I will LIVE for you, and let's rock the fuck out of this life that we have been gifted!". Yeah, so there!
Here I am tryin' 2 set up my initial LJ posting. My name is Andrea, anTREEah, Andi, DREA, OR "Hey YOU", take your pick. As the 90 degree weather has zapped all but three brain cells, I'll keep this first one short, sweet, slightly nonsensical, and not at all resembling the Gazette of rambling that I would normally puke out! So there!